Over the weekend, among the many discussions with my husband, one of them was about the threats coming from North Korea. I'm not sure if it is because we just celebrated Easter and I'm feeling completely rejuvenated in my faith or if it is just the overall positive turn that my life has taken, but it's strange. I'm not afraid. Sad, maybe. But not afraid. I have had to ask myself a lot of questions over the past month, but most importantly, can I look back on my life overall and say, "I've done good."?
Yes, I believe I can.
While I can't say I have been a perfect, moral person by any stretch of the imagination (and if you go back to my college days you will need to stretch very far to find a decent, moral human in me), I feel amazing about the life I have lived and will continue to live. Sure, I need daily reminders every day to take deep breaths and not let too many things get to me.
Our lives have become all about being positive about everything. I have to tell you... it is kind of exhausting. There are SO many things that can weigh me down. Things like not running fast enough. The number on the scale that is perpetually stuck no matter what I do. My JOB and the sheer amount of work on my plate right now is downright daunting and scary- I worry that I can't hack it. Fucking infertility- you have no idea how hard National Siblings Day was. Not because I don't love my own siblings- I am blessed as hell to have amazing sisters and a brother in-law to add to that list- but because Jack's school had families sending in photos of their kids' sibling interaction. There are no words to describe my heartbreak. I hate that I cannot give my son a brother or sister. I want so much to be at peace with my infertility, but it just weighs on me. To top it off, I sometimes have just that overall feeling that something might be missing in my life and for some reason it makes me feel sad.
There are a lot of things that help. The humor feed on Pinterest is a good example (there are no shortages of Grumpy Cat memes). But, one thing that has helped me remember to stay positive is the new app- Happier. At first, I thought it was just another Instagram type thing. Take a picture and share it with the world. Meh. Then I realized what it was all about. I have my app set up to remind me 3 times a day to record a happy moment. I can choose whether not to include a picture or to share it. Or, I can keep it as a private moment just for me. Regardless of if I have even had a happy moment at any point, it REMINDS me to say positive. It helps me reflect and think about what I can be doing better. It reminds me to count my blessings. I absolutely love it and wish more people would start using it! Here are 3 happy moments from this week:
|A good hair day today which is good because I'm excited for happy hour with my ladies tonight!|
|My sweet dog who sat next to me all day yesterday when I worked from home.|
|Daddy teaching our boy how to bowl. Could you die? Sweetest moment ever.|
So, after all is said and done... I am, as usual, a work in progress. I keep striving to be the best me I can be. Sometimes you need just a little extra nudge!
Another App that I have now fully embraced is Spotify. My Running/Workout Playlist? Amazing. I love it. If you have Spotify, these are currently my two jams that absolutely make me smile and do some serious cubical/car dancing.
Pitbull, Feel This Moment
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Thrift Shop
And for those of you who want my whole workout playlist, here it is- follow me! I make updates to it very frequently:
Workout - Running
What are YOU going to do to make it a positive and happy day?