I am now 3 months into my new job and still very much still the "New Girl".
I'm not sure when I will shed this title, but I long for the day it will go away. While I am no longer crying my eyes out when I get home, I am still in that phase where I feel uncomfortable and... stupid. I'm surrounded by people who have worked for the company for a decade or more so they are all very knowledgeable and know just about everybody.
Most days I am able to take being the new girl in stride. I use it as an excuse for some of my incompetence; however, I also use it as an opportunity to create how I want to be viewed as a professional within the organization. It's exhausting. I often wish I could fast forward to a year from now when I know I will feel much more confident, competent and happy.
I am in that place where I am wondering if this is the right position for my skills. I feel as though the position was created to dump the busy work that my colleague hated onto someone else. Trust me, I get it. I did the same thing at my last job when someone new was hired to help the team. I confess. I gave her all my garbage work. So as the new girl, I kind of have to accept my lot and pray that these duties get shipped off to another world. The rest is just waiting. I hear a lot of, "You are going to own this in the future," and, "You will be responsible for that eventually." WHEN, I ask. WHEN??!!
I also dislike working in Downtown Minneapolis. I have heard from many that you either love it or hate it and I am sad to say that after a few months (not to mention an upcoming winter looming ahead) that I am leaning closer and closer to the hate side. While I sometimes enjoy my 30 minutes of glazed eyed zoning that takes place on the bus every day, I also dislike many other humans. Particularly those with bad breath, bad odor and uncontrollable bodily functions. I even had a girl fall asleep ON me last week. If you know me well enough, you know I have issues with personal space. I like my bubble. I dislike sharing that bubble with strangers. I miss being able to run errands in the middle of the day. Yes, there is a Target here in downtown; however, I am limited in space. I am not going to be able to carry loads of Christmas gifts and toys onto the bus. I miss being able to go to Medifast for a weigh in over lunch. I miss the MALL. OH god how I miss going to the mall. I often feel trapped when I am down here as though I am stuck here until that 4pm bell rings and I can escape back to my real world. For about a week, I felt incredibly cool walking among the corporate elite but now? I'm just annoyed by it. I long for someone to meet for lunch. I long to find a way to make this feel right.
I know it is early in this job and I seem to be asking a lot. I know I sound whiny.
Change is freaking hard and this was a big one. I wish I was adjusting better. No, I'm not giving up. I am one of those people who when they make a commitment, they stick it out for better or for worse. I don't feel like this was the worst decision I have ever made. The work I am doing is adding a skill set to my resume that was lacking.
I just need to learn to be patient. I need to see this thing through and know that I am not going to feel like the new girl forever. A year from now I'll look back and chuckle at it and WISH that I was the new girl again knowing that I will be bogged down in a pile of work.