Over the weekend, I witnessed a very dear friend get married. It was a beautiful day, a fairytale location and such precious time with friends that always seems so few and far between. That evening, my husband was to meet me at the wedding. He had dropped off the kidlet at Grandma & Grandpa's house for an overnight and we were going to spend a much needed night together. Jack had never spent a night anywhere without me and daddy. After several weeks of awful bedtime disasters, we knew it was going to be a crapshoot. A 50/50 shot at whether or not the kid would actually go to bed. As suspected, it was a disaster. My husband dropped me off at the hotel alone to go pick up Jack and take him home to his own bed where he fell asleep immediately. I was sad.
You see, even though I love my son to the moon and back, I long for time alone with my husband. Time away from being a mommy and a daddy and more like husband and wife. Heck. Boyfriend and girlfriend. I sometimes miss that spontaneity.
This Friday, I go under the knife. I get to say goodbye to my ovarian cyst and my endometriosis. I may also say goodbye to an ovary and a fallopian tube. I most definitely will say a final farewell to my fertility. I could have cancer. To say that I am sad and a little scared is an understatement. My husband and I decided that we would take the day before off and spend some quality time together. Have some fun. He bought tickets to the MN State Fair for us. Just one day is all I wanted to take a deep breath and remember the things that are MOST important.
There is a barrier. My job.
90% of the time. I love it. I love what I do and believe what I do. I find my work to be rewarding on many levels and have learned so much over 4.5 years. But it DOES NOT define me. I do no live and breathe my work. Yes, it is busy right now. But it always is. There is always something. There is never a good time to go and have surgery. All I wanted was one single day to take off just for me. Not for surgery. Or illness. Or my kid. A day to relax and try to enjoy my life before it physically and emotionally changes forever. I never thought someone could be so heartless not to understand that. Wouldn't an employer want me to deal with my personal issues so I can be the best I can be for them day in and day out? While I wasn't told a flat out no, I was guilt tripped. Regardless of my reasons why I so terribly need a personal day (not to mention the sheer amount of hours and work I am doing right now), I got the following lecture:
We're so busy.
Don't you understand what is at stake right now?
This is not a good time for vacation.
I'm not going to tell you no, but you should know this isn't a good time.
And I cried. No, not in front of anyone. Just the comfort of my car. On the way to my pre-op physical. Thankfully, my husband was able to weasel a couple minutes of time to talk me down. Remind me what is most important in this life.
If I can give advice to my newlywed friends, it would be to always remember that your spouse is your rock. You are a team.
Having a kid, we quickly forget how important it is to spend time together. To remember how this all began. We need this time and I plan to take it no matter how deep the guilt trip.