|Front cover. I guess I didn't like the pretty lady on front.|
|I have no words for this...|
1. I was extremely boy crazy. As in "like totally" over the top liked a different boy every week (and sometimes more than one at a time.) With every single one of them, I would say "If he doesn't like me back, I'll just DIE." Yikes. I'm happy to know that I survived after saying that so many times. I'm totally mortified that I was kind of the creepy desperate waiting by the phone type of girl.
2. I got in fights with my friends. A lot. We always made up the next day.
3. I got in fights with my sister. A lot. We always made up the next day.
4. I had a NASTY potty mouth. The F-word is prominent throughout my posts.
5. My diary is "scented". I'm not sure what it was scented with and I cannot believe that 20 years later it still smells the same. I think I just got shivers down my spine.
6. I always had a "sign off" time. I stayed up freaking late for a 15 year old!
7. Holy cripes. Did my mom really read this?
8. Did I read that right... I was EXCITED to start the 10th grade? What the...
9. I had really deep thoughts: "Sometimes I have to wonder if God is trying to send me a message, only it just isn't clear what that message could be."
10. Is skaggy a word?
11. I actually referenced a Def Leppard song in one of my entries. Love Bites. LOL.
12. I had a bummer Christmas in 1991 because I didn't get a CD player.
This is one of my favorite entries...
Dear Diary- Tonight was so weird. Another episode of how my friends hate the guy I like. I like him so much. Or, is it just "moments"? I'll never know! I gotta go. Dying of cramps. Love Always, Joanne
Little did I know I would be plagued by my friends disliking just about every guy I dated for the rest of my life. Thankfully, I grew up and finally stuck with one regardless of what anyone thought. He turned out to be my husband. After 9 years together, I can safely say they approve.
One of my favorite excerpts... the relationship graph:
This one is absolutely awesome as well:
"Dear Diary- Well, I don't think I ever got a chance to tell you but I had a job but I got hurt pretty bad. I worked at Spudster's at Rosedale and it just sucked!!! Everyone knows how much I hate to clean and shit like that. Then there's the cutting up food- I don't think they meant my thumb. That was pretty gross but minor I think. The major thing was on fryer- the word says it all- I got hot grease splashed on my hand so my middle finger got a blister, my ring finger got singed and my entire pinky got blistered. After my next paycheck I'm quitting." I actually got workman's comp for that injury- it was pretty bad and I still have the scars. I moved on to a much safer job that next summer- a Car Hop at an A & W drive in. Coolest summer job EVER.
Here is how I described myself in the 10th grade:
"I wouldn't pretend to be someone I'm not. I am a preppy, semi ok-looking (LOL) concerned about my future type fun/serious person." OH and note... "The headbanger type doesn't exactly turn my switch anymore." Priceless. I'm curious about what exactly I thought a fun/serious person is?
Do you remember in those Teen magazines how they used to have a poetry section? I apparently loved it because these little clips can be found all over my diary:
|Ummm... Creepy Stalker much?|
|How SAD is that??|
I'm so glad that I can look back and laugh. I'm even more glad that I was able to drop the drama queen business (no, really... I am not a drama queen anymore...). I don't remember if I kept another diary, and if I did, I imagine my crush on an upper upperclassmen hockey player would have made for some hilarious reads (considering my insane embarrassment over it to this very day). The remaining 2.5 years of high school were laden with highs and lows. I even had an honest to goodness high school sweetheart whom I dated through my freshman year of college.
If I can learn anything about looking back at the teenage me- it is that I had passion. I was passionate about my friends, my family, boys and music. I learned that at times, I had little faith in myself and I looked to those around me to give me confidence. I learned I was competitive- I wanted to be the best singer, the best flutist, the best actress. I wanted friends. I wanted to be loved.
So, even though I blush in horror at some of the atrocious things I wrote about in my diary, I realize that I haven't changed all that much. I am still passionate about my son, my husband, my family and my work. I still have days that I look to others to give me confidence. I'm still insanely competitive and driven.
When is the last time you looked back at the teenage you? Are you completely changed or do pieces of you still remain?