Today, I will tell you a tale that will curl your hair and make you shudder in fear.
I'm going to tell you about...
Shopping for bridesmaid's dresses.
Being one of those people who have pretty much been a little chubby my whole life, I have taught myself the art of self-acceptance. Yes, I am trying to get healthy (again), but I really do love myself. I do. Over the years I have learned how to ignore people who have put my down and not feel bad about my limited choices for shopping. Most of the time, I honestly could care less and am happy just being me.
Shopping for a bridesmaid's dress was a truly mortifying experience. It started with being given one dressing room for four girls plus the bride who wanted to sit in and watch. The sample sizes available to try on were indeed samples. For models. Or freaks of nature. Not for 30 year old women with boobs and leftover childbirth tummies. Did I mention one of the bridesmaids is the bride's 16 year old 2nd cousin? Don't get me wrong here, I love her. She makes me smile and remember sometimes what it's like to be 16 with friends and boys being the most important thing ever. She is, however 16 with the tiny little perfect 16 year old body. Suddenly, it became not "Pick whatever you all like the best," to "She looks so cute in that empire waist, skin tight dress. I love that one." I confess. I freaked out a little. I made it very clear what I was capable of wearing and not wearing. We found a dress that we all thought was beautiful, that I can live with. I powered through the rest of that agony that is being measured and told that you have to order a size 3 times what you normally wear because "That's what the book says."
I know the bride thought it was going to be a fun thing. A fun day for all of us. Besides freaking out a little, I really tried to put on a brave face. I cried all the way home. I've never felt so embarrassed and so ashamed to be me. I can't believe something that is meant to be so happy and fun could make me feel so incredibly awful.
I've risen from the ashes though. I am more determined than ever to see through my new healthy lifestyle and stick with my program. I am more determined than ever to make sure my alterations cost a fortune. As for the mental anguish? Well, I'm still working through that, but at least there is something I can do about it.
What is your Monday Motivation?