December 03, 2010

A Mixed Bag of Pity Party

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!

Today marks a month that I have been dealing with an ongoing sinus infection. I know it doesn't sound like a sinus infection should be all that horrific, but let me tell you, after having one for a month, it is. Your face hurts, your head pounds, your ears pop in and out and even your teeth hurt. The exhaustion is overwhelming not to mention the fever that comes and goes and makes every ounce of your body screech in agony. Did I mention how sinusitis throws your equilibrium off? Yeah, that's fun on an icy sidewalk. The stuff that is draining is causing a cough. A cough so annoying that you are ashamed to be at work because of what its annoyingness is doing to those around you.

I'm not contagious and getting rest does not help, so I continue on with a full day of work, annoying everyone around me with my coughing and my nose blowing. After a full day of work, and I'll be honest, I start dreaming about my recliner, my giant snuggly blanket, the dog at my feet, a giant mug of hot tea and my remote to catch up on my DVR. I do get to enjoy these things, but not right away. Dinner needs to be made, the kiddo needs to be fed and played with, the dishes need to get done, floors swept, counter and tabletops wiped down... and my husband doesn't let me forget that this life goes on regardless of how miserable I feel. He's had zero pity. He's not trying to be cruel. I think he is just as frustrated as I am with how long this infection is dragging out. I'm not sure he understands the intensity of it all and how it has drastically reduced my quality of life- how truly miserable I am. He's making fun of me, but it isn't funny. I actually think he thinks that I'm faking this. I cried myself to sleep last night over this lack of understanding. I don't want him to serve me soup at my bedside or anything, but I want him to understand why I'd rather crash out on a recliner than do the dishes. Is that so much to ask?

I'm not faking here folks. 3rd trip to the doctor in a month and I HATE going to the doctor. I am on my 3rd antibiotic. It's a strong one that will likely make me sick in other ways, but I am desperate to feel better- not just for myself, but for everyone around me. If it doesn't work, I will be brought in for a CT scan and referred to my ENT. Like a mantra, I am telling myself over and over how this is going to be my magic antibiotic and even imagining how wonderful my life will be again once I am feeling better.

I would like to take this moment to apologize. I know it isn't my fault, but I know that my being sick has affected so many people around me not to mention my work. I don't enjoy feeling this way. It isn't an excuse. It isn't me just being lazy. I don't wish it on anyone.

Stay healthy everyone!!!

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