November 15, 2010

Finding Time For Me

I'm just one of those people. The one that almost always puts herself last. The one that is more concerned about everyone else. The one whose best intentions don't always come across the right way. The one who feels feels guilty when it is time to make time for herself.

My first example of this comes with finding time to go to the gym. I don't go at night because I feel that I need to be spending the limited time I have available with my son. I haven't been going over lunch because I feel that I'll be missing something important at the office. I have found other ways to incorporate fitness- I have the EA Sports Active game for the Wii- it is actually much more challenging than one might think. We also have a treadmill at home as well as some hand weights. This is all great except for the fact that I bore of this stuff quickly, not to mention the sheer distractions that exist in my home. Going to the gym is the one and only way that I have ever been able to lose/maintain my weight, but I have a difficult finding and making the time for it.

My next example has to do with my plans for this weekend. The women from my husband's side of the family like to get together a couple times a year. Think "guy's weekend gone fishing" but for the girls- we even have a NAME for our group. We call ourselves The Moopies which was lovingly chosen from the name that Grandma (now 94 years old) called the name of her, um, girly parts when she was younger. We go and see shows, have overnights at someone's house and this weekend, we are heading up to the family cabin for bingo (yes, I just said bingo), wine and Italian food. Sounds great, right? My mommy guilt meter is off the charts. My first reaction was to say that I would be up early Saturday morning so I could spend Friday night with my husband and the kiddo. All of the other ladies, all moms to young kids as well, are planning to go up on Friday night. If they can do it, why can't I? Right? What is wrong with me?! I could leave work at 3:00 and be there by 4:30 (definitely before the sun goes down). I could claim my bed (or couch... or chair...). I could be relaxing with some awesome women and a glass of wine after an incredibly stressful couple of months.

So what is this pull that is yanking me back home? My son. I love him. I miss him when we are apart. I worry about him when I can't be there. I confess, my intentions are selfish. I am a mom.

Maybe I just need someone to kick me in the ass. Quick! Someone tell me to take advantage of the free pass my husband is giving me and take this time for me that I have found.

Do you find it hard to let go of your work and parenting commitments and find time for yourself?

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