September 21, 2010

Back on the Wagon... Again.

I'm sure this is about the hundredth time that I have blogged about being "Back on the Wagon". I have to wonder, how many times is it going to take for it sink in? How many times do I have to fall off before I can truly make a healthy lifestyle work for me?

As usual, I have my excuses. I have had a nagging cold for almost 2 weeks now. Good times. As I'm hacking out a lung, the last thing I am thinking about is getting on the treadmill and running a mile. Or, the seemingly endless amount of parties, showers and events over the past few weeks. Good excuses, right? RIGHT?

I struggle with my motivation both with eating healthy and being active. There just seems to be nothing that is enough to get me to take the step to truly get and stay on the path.  A bridesmaid's dress wasn't enough. Ill fitting clothes isn't enough. $130 coming out of my checking account for a gym membership that is barely used isn't enough.

It is nothing like a good Bridesmaids dress try-on in the closet to realize, "Oh dear god... If I gain one single pound, this thing is NOT going to fit me on November 6th." I have my official fitting next Thursday. Not really enough time to make a difference, but enough to know that I have to keep things in check. Although my suddenly tight Bridesmaid's dress was definitely a factor it was also a realization that I had following my son's 2nd birthday party. I avoid getting my picture taken like the plague. I am so sad that I have so few pictures of me and my little guy. I don't want it to continue being that way. I want my confidence back! 

Getting on that treadmill last night was total torture. I trudged down the stairs as though I was dragging a 50 lb weight behind me; but, I turned on Dancing With The Stars and was able to ignore the countdown of time on the giant treadmill display. 20 minutes went by quickly and I moved on to my weights. I felt good and asked myself why I always dread working out so much- I really didn't have an answer! I do feel as though it is yet another thing to add in to an already busy day. By the time the kid goes down at 7:30p, I feel like that is my first opportunity of the day to just breathe, zone out and veg. But no more. I can do just as much mental zoning out while on the treadmill or taking a walk. I can do it!

Food on the other hand is a whole other story. I've been on Weight Watchers online for on and off since before I got married 5 years ago. I go through periods where I do well and follow it religiously and then I just either get bored or forget about it. In my new revelation, I am back on plan. I went back and added my points over the weekend and was ashamed at myself. No wonder I have so many issues. I really need to work on self control and just saying no and not feeling badly if I hurt someone's feelings by not eating their cake or sharing an appetizer mozzarella sticks. Prior to getting pregnant with Jack I was on a weight loss tear- I lost 15 pounds and felt awesome. I want that back again and am determined to do it!

I really hope this is my last post about falling off the wagon. 

If you are a person who has had to constantly work hard to maintain a healthy lifestyle- what do you do to stay motivated?

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