August 10, 2010

Decisions and Getting Fit- An Update

To SAHM or not to SAHM. 

While I have made no definitive decision on whether or not to become a stay at home mom, this week is leaning more towards staying at work. I am still painfully uncomfortable with my work situation, but I am swaying towards toughing it out. Why, you ask? Jack loves his school and gets so much out his relationships there. He is now starting to talk about his teachers and his friends and my good conscience is not just telling me, it is SCREAMING at me to not take him away from something that is so positive in his life. He is a great, happy kid and I owe a lot to Primrose for helping him to be that way.

More and more, I feel like staying home is just a selfish excuse for me to escape. Has anyone ever had a job that felt 100% ideal? I know it could be worse and I am fully aware of that. Going out to test the job market waters, I have found that although I've had 10 years of progressive marketing experience, I still need more of what I am doing now to be able to move forward and do what I really want to do. Despite some of the political ick, I do enjoy my actual WORK and believe in what our company is trying to sell and do. Plus, I have my own office with four walls, a door, a window and a big ol' desk! Certainly beats the old cube-ville.

Bridesmaid Countdown: T-minus 86 days

And I feel like a failure. Instead of losing weight, I've gained upwards of 4 lbs and I am not happy about it. Is my anger at myself enough to be motivating? I'm not sure. The hardest part is just making it a part of my everyday life. Working out should be as much a part of my day as anything else but it is the habit-forming part that I am failing at. We, meaning both me and my husband, often take the easy way out after a long day when it comes to dinner. LeAnn Chin, Papa Murphy's, Tombstone... you name it, we cheat with it. I was proud of myself last night though. My husband said he was craving Dairy Queen and I just said no. I'm not going to lie, it was hard to say no. I wanted a Blizzard. I just have to be smarter. Make better choices. I can still go out, I just have to be smarter about it. I know I can do it. I've done it before. While my time may have run out for losing weight for the wedding, my motivation really needs to be more about me in the first place. 

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