May 20, 2010

He Loves Me! He REALLY Loves me!

Having a baby has changed many things in my life; however, I have stubbornly refused to give up being the girl out on the town. Over the past year, I have attended a ton of concerts (Ticketmaster has made a killing off of me... it should be a crime). For past concerts, I have usually made a night out of it complete with dinner and drinks prior to the show. Last night prior to the Daughtry concert (I could write a whole other post about their awesomeness but I digress), I really wanted to see my little man after work. So as usual, I picked him up from daycare. There is NOTHING that makes my day other than walking into his classroom and have him run up to me at full throttle to give me a leg hug yelling "MOMMY!!!" Getting out of the house to get to the concert on time was a whole other story... for some reason, last night, he wanted nothing to do with daddy. Only mommy. It was a mommy night for sure. Through his heart-wrenching sobs and my heartbreak for leaving him there sobbing, I walked out the door. Around 7:45p I sent my husband a text to check in and see how things went for the short remainder of the evening and adding to my heartbreak, he said that Jack sobbed "Mommy" for a 1/2 an hour after I drove away complete with the ever heart splitting alligator tears. Now, my husband didn't tell me this information to make me feel bad on purpose (although that wouldn't be that far out of the ballpark for him to do that on occasion), but the mommy guilt swept over me in full force complete with the desire to rush him and sweep him in my arms and cuddle my little guy all night.

I didn't rush home. I knew he was peacefully sleeping. He will likely never remember my driving off and leaving him in sobbing shambles. I know he loves me. My child loves me in the most powerful, unconditional way and it is like nothing I have ever known before. I'm aware that as he grows older, there will be times he will likely not love me so much but for now, I won't take a single moment of my time with him for granted.

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