August 31, 2009

Don't Judge Me!

Well it has been a challenging week in momville.

Jack has been sick. He had a double ear infection that didn't seem to get better. We got called to pick him up last Thursday for what was thought to be Ringworm (and the "rash" seem to magically disappear by the time I got home from work... uh... Ringworm lasts for WEEKS). We kept him home on Friday as he was running a temp of 102.5. Doctor says "he has a virus". Love that diagnosis. His left ear was however still infected, so we got new antibiotics and his fever and ear issues were magically gone in about a day. We had nights of scary screaming, a high temp of 103.2 and two exhausted parents.

On to the topic of the day. We are hearing from all sides the anger and frustration for why we won't let Jack stay overnight anywhere, not even having someone stay at our house. While I would LOVE to have a baby-free night at some point in time, now is not it. He's a terrible sleeper at home which would make him a worse sleeper somewhere else. It would take a week to re-program him to get him sleep even the solid six hours we are getting out of him right now. So, sorry. We are two full-time working parents. We simply do not have the time or the patience to have to deal with such things. To stay healthy, we keep things routine. For now, until Jack is able to communicate with words, this is how it is going to be. I am sick and tired of feeling the pressure to be and do certain things as parents. We already feel as though we have little time with Jack as it is with our jobs- and it is even worse for my dear husband who travels quite a bit. We want to be with our little guy as much as possible. Everything else simply doesn't matter. On top of that we were told that when he is old enough for an overnight, that if we let him stay somewhere and the other found out about it that they would get mad. Are you kidding??? This is the type of drama that we want to be free from. Why can't people just let us make our own decisions for our own son and then just LIVE WITH THEM without all the guilt trips?? What if we say: "Jack, where do you want to stay overnight while daddy and I go out of town?" and he makes the choice himself? We could play that game! How bad would that feel? Geesh.

My second issue came in regards to our choice to let Jack cry it out at night. I made a comment on Facebook and someone commented back "You should really do the 'No Cry Sleep Solution' it is a much more gentle way to teach them to sleep." Okay. First of all, before you judge me on my choice, did you bother to ask about my kid? I'm not just being biased but he's one smart cookie. He knows exactly what to do to get our attention and knows how to manipulate us. He knows that when he screams and throws temper tantrums at night that one of us will come running. By going to him, we discovered that we start back at square one and it just pisses him off more when we walk away. There is no gentle back rubbing. No cuddling, No lullaby in the world that will soothe him. So, we made the decision that he has to learn how to work it out. Our longest stretch was 40 minutes. I'm not going to lie, it was torture. I hated every moment of it and it KILLED me not to go to him and hold him close. Once he was settled and I could hear him snoring, I peeked in on him in his happy, silent slumber. He was just fine. The next night, he awoke again at the same time. Same type of crying. Only 3 minutes and he was back to sleep. So, unless I want to sleep with him in a glider until god knows when, this was the best solution for our situation. I am perfectly aware that everyone has their own idea about how to teach their child how to sleep at night, but please keep your judgments to yourself please. Thank you.

I've recently been feeling very sensitive about some comments being made on one of my mommy internet boards. I know they aren't directed towards me, and everyone has their own opinion, but really? Think about what you're saying before you hit "post". Specifically, someone asked about doing a birthday "registry" or Wish List as BRU/TRU calls it and if she should put it on the invitation. I sent out really cute printed paper invitations. Within a day we were getting bombarded with "What can I get for Jack?" "What does he like?" "What size clothes does he wear?" from just about every person that was invited. I had also planned on sending out an e-invitation that everyone could RSVP to as well as write on Jack's "wall". Since everyone wanted information (and believe me, even if you say 'no gifts' to these people, they'll come with one anyway), I put Jack's Wish List information on the e-invite. Someone responded how tacky it was. Thanks. In my oh so humble opinion, I'd rather they got him useful things like the things on his registry- books, learning DVD's, lullaby CD's and clothes (which he desperately needs as he has far surpassed the 12 month clothing mark) rather than buy hm some dumb ass toy that he'll never play with and collect dust in the corner because I didn't speak up and encourage other kinds of more useful gift items. Again. I'm sure this wasn't directed towards me and was just an opinion, but come on. This isn't a wedding. It is a kid's first birthday. We're going to have him open fucking gifts for god's sake. If one of our guests thinks it is tacky, well they can just screw off. If you're going to be that much of a dick to hold that against us then we don't want you to share in the day anyway.

The other comment that was made was in regards to baby shoes. The question was posed about what kinds of shoes they should be wearing at this stage of beginning walking. Of COURSE I know that barefoot is best, but when you have a kid that spends practically his entire day playing on the playground at Daycare you have to protect their little feet! Plus, daycare requires it. So, after extensive research (and I shit you not, I did extensive research about which shoes would be best for my little cruiser) I decided that Robeez were the best way to go. They are soft-soled so they are as close to being barefoot as possible and one of the other important things- he cannot get these suckers off! He loves to pull at his feet and take his shoes off, but he can't get Robeez off. Well, there was one naive comment that "Robeez aren't good for the feet and that barefoot is best". Ummm.... DO YOUR RESEARCH BEFORE SPEAKING UP PLEASE!!! Another said, "I hate Robeez. I think they are ugly." Geez. Nice. Now I buy my kid ugly shoes. Come on ladies, please think before you speak. I know these are your own opinions and you are entitled to them, but comments like this are sort of hurtful. Keep them to yourself. Just state why you picked the shoes you did and how they are working rather than flaming other people's (hard researched) choices. Isn't this suppose to be an environment of help and support? For the record, Jack has two pairs of Robeez- one pair of suede brown loafers and a pair of blue sneakers from their "mini shoes" line. I think they are adorable.

I'm sure I'm just overly sensitive about a lot of these things, but I hate it when people make judgments about my choices. Other than on this blog, which is mine and mine alone, I don't judge anyone's choices. We moms, we have to do what we gotta do for our own personal situations. If I don't like it, I rant here. I just wish sometimes that people came with an edit button that they could hit before writing an e-mail or before speaking out loud.

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