October 22, 2008

Prisoner?

Well, it has been six weeks that our beautiful baby has joined the world and it has certainly been a whirlwind!

Firstly, I can hardly believe that women in the US are expected to go back to work after 6 weeks. I'm so glad that I decided to take extra time and that my work was willing to give it to me (since my company is under 50 employees, I am not covered under FMLA). I just can't even imagine dropping my little tiny peanut off at daycare at this point!

The thing that really has me frustrated right now though is the fact that I feel very trapped in my home. I mean, sure, if I had a reason to go out and go somewhere, Jack and I would go, but I don't really have a reason or excuse to get out. Therefore, I spend 24/7 at home. I love my baby Jack, but I seriously need some time away too. Where is my husband in all this? He's around... I think he completely takes for granted that Jack is harder to care for than you'd think. Feedings come up quickly and diaper changes feel constant. He's gassy and whiny and is overall a lot of work. At 6 weeks old, I refuse to let him cry it out and will cuddle him if he is freaking out which these days feels like all the time. I barely have time to go to the bathroom let alone. Taking a shower takes some serious planning and I'm lucky if I actually get to eat any lunch I make. My husband then acts all annoyed when I ask him to take the baby from me at night to give me a little break. I don't always have something to do, but sometimes I'd just like to enjoy a TV show uninterrupted or write in my blog without having to console my crying newborn. I just wish he would do things without me having to ask him all the time. I wish he'd just say "Okay Jack, time for some daddy/son time" or "Time to change your diaper! I've got it!" He comes and goes without another thought whereas I feel as though I have to practically schedule time to get out of the house. I'm going shopping with a friend this Saturday and I can't WAIT. I hate leaving my baby of course and I'm sure I'll call a hundred times, but I can't stress enough how much I need the time away. I also plan on going OUT more often too. Since I am on maternity leave, I can certainly stay out and go to some of the things I was unable to go to in the past. Not like I sleep these days anyway.

My other rant is about insomnia. I cannot sleep at night. Jack's last feeding is at around midnight and then I go to bed after that and my husband takes over the early am feeding (4 or 5am). I try so hard to just "let go" when I go to bed, but I feel like I'm listening for any squack or squeal and therefore end up getting no sleep until his 4-5am feeding when I know he's in the hands of my husband. So what do I do? Should I take a sleep med? I took Unisom throughout my pregnancy and it helped (I had preggo insomnia as well). To think I used to looooove sleep. I'm thinking those days are over.

I had better get back to Jack... my husband is of course out with one of his friends tonight.
 
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