August 18, 2008

33 Weeks and Crabbier By The Day

So I am now about 33 1/2 weeks pregnant, am bigger than a house and ready to hurt people.

First is the road rage. Driving has not been fun for me- rush hour or not, every person on the road drives me absolutely insane. The words that come out of my mouth... even I am ashamed after saying them.

The rest is just annoyance. Now, I don't expect the universe to revolve around me right now just because I'm pregnant, but I do expect people to understand and sympathize with some of the unpopular decisions I have to make due to my size and overall discomfort.

There are couple specific instances that are really disturbing me at this point. I have found that the further I get into my pregnancy and looming birth, the more I want to simply be left alone, especially after the baby gets here. These first few weeks after birth are so important to me. I carried this little boy for 9 months and me and my husband are really the only ones who DESERVE time. The ones who NEED to bond with him. On top of my feeling that I have NO desire to have anyone around after giving birth. I'll be bleeding, sore and miserable. I don't really want anyone to see me like that. I know me, and I'll just want to be left alone to get used to my new baby and to heal. I will feel the need to entertain and to talk, when I know for the first couple weeks, it will take a lot just for me to get out of bed in the morning. I am just getting overloaded with the pressure from that side as well as the comments and anecdotes of "When I was pregnant..." I don't give a flying fuck whether or not your labor was drug free. I don't give a shit that your ankles swelled. It doesn't give me peace- it makes me uncomfortable. My family has been AMAZING. I get an e-mail every now and then simply saying "Hi- been thinking of you. How are you feeling? How is the baby? Keep us posted." How fucking hard is that? To have something not be about you?

The other annoyance in my life is my BFF's wedding. I'm sure I was just as annoying when I got married and this is more than payback, but... come on. I had a super shitty weekend and sent my BFF an e-mail venting about how bad it was. I've gotten nothing but e-mails all morning saying: "Wedding Hotel. I'm working on getting us an early check-in." and "Wedding transportation. What do you think if we got a party bus?" Hmmmm... let me think here... Party bus? I'm going to be 36 weeks fucking pregnant. How much partying exactly will I be doing??? I told her not to bother and that I would be a sober cab to the two roomies I will have with me at the hotel that night. I pray to god they don't get wasted because somehow I just know the pressure of the situation will put me in labor. Overall, I'm just getting annoyed that all we get to talk about is her and her wedding and impending doomed marriage (which is another story altogether... don't even get me started on that one). Actually... I take that back. We don't talk about he marriage- only the wedding. Apparently she isn't aware the world actually continues to turn after that day.

I just feel really alone sometimes- that there is nobody out there who will simply just listen to me and say "Hey- sounds like you had a bad weekend. Let me send you an e-hug and let you know that I love you and that everything will be okay." I swear to god I am trying not to be a pain in the ass to anyone. I don't want to be a burden. Let's be honest though- pregnancy isn't exactly easy. Besides the physical ailments that come with it, there is just constant worry that something might be wrong or that something will go wrong.

As far as updates on the baby... He's doing just fine. He's VERY active and very obviously running out of room because I can feel EVERYthing that he's doing. I have a checkup this Wednesday (34 week appointment) and we'll do an ultrasound to see how big he is, check my cervix and fluid, etc. He is currently measuring about 2 weeks big. We are also hoping to set our date to be induced! Let's hope he hangs on until 39 weeks!!

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