December 12, 2007

Commuting


Thank god there haven't been any snow storms this week. In my excitment for the first big snowfall, I forgot about how much the traffic SUCKS along with it. There is a reason we are moving and that #1 reason is the commute. The day after one of our biggest storms so far this season, apparantly MnDot (i.e. Minnesota Department of Transportation) didn't think it was important to keep on plowing or putting dirt and salt down because the roads were terrible. So terrible that it took me 2 1/2 hours to get to work. That's right. 2 1/2 hours. I seriously thought I might lose my mind.
The only good thing that has happened thus far this season is the fact that my dear husband's family is coming up to our house for Christmas. After my Clomid breakdown last year, I vowed that I would no longer negotiating holidays with my in laws. It wasn't necessarily their fault that I was a complete and utter emotional freako mess last year, but the 999 guilt trips for "choosing" my family over his on Christmas Eve was more than I could bear. For what is going on 29 years, I have always celebrated Christmas Eve with my family. Not only do we go to Midnight Mass, open presents, eat, drink and be merry but it is my brother's birthday. When I was little, I thought he had the coolest birthday EVER, but now... hell no. He's got the shittiest birthday out there. Everyone forgets, and if they do remember, he ends up getting double gifted. Meaning: "This is both your Christmas AND birthday gift!" I have to admit... I am guilty of doing this to him. Now that I am an adult and I make enough money to get above the poverty level, it is finally time that I buy him a real card and a real gift for his birthday. Not one wrapped up with Christmas paper either, but the stuff that says "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" all over it. Regardless. I spend the 24th with my family and there is no negotiating around it. So a shout out to my bro Mike- Happy 29th Birthday coming up soon.
My other noteable for the day is my discovery of Facebook. I've ignorned it up until now until my BFF told me to check it out. Good god. I have been completely and utterly addicted to it. Not only just looking for old friends, which I have, but all the little tools, quizzes and CRAP that you can interact with. I LOVE it. It's like crack.
The dilemma I have encountered however... *Warning* If you don't want to read about what a terrible and crappy person I used to be, do not continue reading...
I found an old high school friend. We'll call her EM. EM was the only person there for me in high school when all my bitch ass friends dumped me for no real reason (spouting out some crap about how I'd rather some time with my boyfriend or some ridiculous teenage dramatic jealous rampage BS). She was the only person who wanted to be my friend. The one person who saw me through when that boyfriend dumped me and visions of "I told you so's" were dancing in my head. EM and I remained friends for a couple years into college. We went to different colleges far away so our time together was few and far between. We made new friends and new circles, but remained in touch. I received a call one day. EM told me she had an accident. She was back in the Cities and is in the hospital and paralyzed. My heart really did go out to her and I was immensely sad. However, I was a terrible friend. I never did make the effort to go see her. I never tried. I never called. I never bothered. I was so busy with my new life and new friends that I seemingly forgot about how this person saved me from the senior year from hell. I want so terribly to reach out to her now and just say, "Hey, remember me?" but fear what reaction I'll get. Actually... I fear the reaction I'll get from any of my old circles. I made rude, embarrassing choices. I made a fool out of myself. I know many will say "Who didn't act like that when they were 21?". Looking back I just shake my head. Will I be forgiven for my actions? Will all be forgotten? Will people see me for the loving, hard-working, trustworthy person I am now? The other side of me asks... why even bother reaching out. That's the side where the devil sits. I'm not sure if I need closure or what... I guess I was thinking of the good times. The times that are worth remembering. I ended up having so few in high school, and I guess it is time for me to let bygones be bygones.
Now that I've ranted a whole week's worth here. I must be getting back to Facebook. There are quizzes to be done!

1 comment:

  1. You may be surprised by the reaction you get. It seems as the years go by, that people forget what they were mad about in the first place. Knowing from experience (My MIL) how people with disabilities can feel after all is said and done. People reach out heavily in the beginning, but a couple years later they find that they don't have friends anymore. I am sure that she would be so excited to hear from you! Heck, if she can get out, maybe even a lunch date! It's never too late to make up for things left unsaid and actions left undone. She may be even more appreciative now then she would have been then. Hope you can find a way to get back in touch with her! Hugs!

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