November 07, 2007

Bitter...Hateful. Huh?

Okay... I just had to write about this after watching more infertile drama.

I hang out on a community board that shall remain nameless and lurk around a group in particular that is dedicated to those who have been TTC their first baby for more than a year. I remember long ago when this thread started I was a huge cheerleader of it. What better than to be able to hang out with people who understand what it is like to have empty arms. I quickly learned that their self-depricating, bitter and woe is me mentality was not going to help me feel better about myself or my situation in any way, shape or form. For the fun of it, I poked back in there today to see what was going on and was reminded of just why I stopped hanging out there. One of the posters was complaining (and whining and bitching...) that someone else posted a story about someone they knew that had been trying and doing fertility treatments that finally had success with a 4th IUI. I am certain the story was told to give hope to those who have been doing years of treatment. A way to say- it could happen for you, too. Instead, the response was: "This does nothing for my fertility". Of course it doesn't. MAYBE it might give you a sense of hope. Of faith. MAYBE this person they knew was feeling EXACTLY like you, going through ridiculous amounts of treatments, being poked, prodded... humiliated. So, now it's that people aren't sensitive because you've been TTC a long time, but their 4 or 5 IUI's are nothing. Remember, not everyone is IVF eligible. Remember, IUI may be their only route. No more the woe is me. Feel sorry for me. Be sensitive to me. Maybe you shouldn't be hanging out on a FERTILITY site for god's sake. Maybe start your own social networking site where you can all sit and bitch together about how horrible your lives are.

Now, I've been TTC for over 2 years now. I, too, have my days where I just don't want to hear it, where I don't want to see the "OMG I'm so shocked! It took an agonizing 3 months to get my BFP" crap. On those days, I simply don't subject myself to it. I walk away. I re-read or listen to The Secret. I say a prayer. I do believe that fertiles mean no harm and that overall they are simply naive and cannot even remotely begin to understand what it feels like to never see a BFP or what it feels like to have an HSG or how much it hurts to get a shot in the ass. That doesn't mean they should be attacked and flamed.

Most importantly, I am constantly reminding myself how full and blessed my life is. Wonderful family, friends, a husband that adores me, have jobs, make a load of money, have a roof over our head, food to eat... How can I be disappointed with this life? I can't. So, I give thanks and count these blessings and many more every day.

Anyway, I just have to laugh it off. I'm just as guilty by visiting a thread that I know will be full of bitterness and disdain. If anything, it is good entertainment!!!

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