February 05, 2007

-18 Degrees??? For the Love...

Josh Hartnett was recently quoted saying "I grew up in Minnesota and the winter's there over the past few years have been extremely warm and that concerns me." (or some crap like that). Uh. Josh? Perhaps you should try stopping home once in awhile because it has been sub zero for the past week and is showing no signs of warming up anytime soon. It was fricken 18 below when I left this morning!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME HERE????!!! I have found two things that I absolutely cannot live without as a Minnesotan: 1) A remote car starter- park myself up on the top of the ramp and start my car from the office! Doesn't get much better than that! 2) Heated car seats. Need I say more? It's so nice to not have a numb ass when I get home from work.

So I went in for this month's first ultrasound. Not good. One dominant follicle on the right side measuring 1.3cm. Ugh. Not very big- my doc likes to see them around 2.5 before doing a trigger or anything else. We also came up with a game plan- we're going to give it one more month on our own and then next month should we be unsuccessful, move to IUI. She really couldn't find any reason that we're not getting pregnant! WTF?!!! It is definitely more frustrating to not have anything wrong than to have something wrong and at least KNOW why it isn't happening. Why do I have to be one of those unexplained cases??? I'm going to stick to my mantra this month: 3rd Time's a Charm!!!!

I recently started going to church again- it is HUGE for me to be okay with going by myself. I am calling it my re-introduction to God. Strangely, as I suffered from massive migraine headaches all weekend, I felt at peace while at church. I also know that my life seemed much better when I was involved more with God than not. I've really fallen away from that in the past 10 years or so and really want to get it back. While I haven't fully given in to leaving our fertility up to Him, I am getting there. Finding and having faith is not an easy thing to come by and I'm not expecting it to happen overnight.

"Joe" and I have really made some positive changes over the past couple weeks. We're both watching our diets, exercising and be very conscious of how we are living our lives. Hopefully this positive change will be our magic potion to getting us pregnant. Meanwhile, I've been giving some very serious thought to going to graduate school. Besides the pregnancy thing, I've always felt like I was selling myself short in my career and that I could do so much more. Sure, it'll fill a big void, but it is something I can be proud of. I hope I can make it happen.

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