January 23, 2007

Negative Nelly. Yup. That's Me.

I really hate being such a downer and always feel that if you expect the worst to happen that it probably will, as in, a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I am just really in the dumps today. I hate the roller coaster emotions that go hand in hand with TTC. One day I'm CERTAIN that I'm pregnant, and the next, I'm anticipating yet another long cycle. Today- I'm feeling not pregnant. I hate that I stare at my chart just expecting something magical to come out of the numbers. I hate that I feel so much jealousy towards other pregnant women. I hate that I feel broken.

I could sit and try to post a million things about how to cheer myself up. I could try to find things that are positive in all this, although... I can't even think of one.

I think often about my due date that has come and gone. I should've had a baby with me at Christmas and New Years, for "Joe's" 30th Birthday... I can't understand why this hasn't happened for us again and even if it does, will the fear of miscarriage ever diminish? Will I ever just be able to enjoy being pregnant?

I hate that this is so easy for some women. I mean, I see on some of my sites women that already have 5 kids and are distressed because they are having trouble with making #6??? Are you kidding me here? I would give my left arm just to have one.

Anyway, that's my rant for the day! I needed that vent!

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