December 20, 2006

Am I? Yes? No? Maybe so?

To the left you will find what is going on in my body if I'm indeed pregnant.
Crap. Do I do this same post every month? After now 14 months of TTC you would think that I would stop getting excited every month. You would think that I would've trained myself by now to conduct business as usual and think that getting a BFP would be a big surprise.
Unfortuntely, it doesn't work that way. Every month, I swear this is it. I swear that my boobs hurt more than the month before. I swear that I almost threw up. I swear that I felt the bubbling and twinges of pregnancy beginning inside. I may just have become "that" person. You know the one- she makes herself believe so much that she's pregnant that the symptoms become real (this is an actual medical phenomena!). This month though, I could swear... this is the real deal. I haven't taken a test yet- it's still a little early (I'm on CD 27 and 14 dpo). I'm going to wait until Friday unless my monthly bill actually shows up.
If this is for real... gosh. I don't know if I will jump for joy or if the fear will just set in? I cannot even imagine going through another miscarriage. It will have taken 8 months after our last and I cannot even bear to think about it.
As much as I try to live my life being un-pregnant, it becomes increasingly hard every month. I'm trying my hardest not to become a psycho TTC'er. I dream about being pregnant and being a mom. I pray every day that the Lord will bless me with this opportunity- especially for Christmas. I cannot even think of a better gift, a miracle.
Thought I would publish this in "pink" in hopes of a little girl.

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