July 04, 2006

A Disappointment

I'm sure you can already guess by the title of today's 4th of July blog, that I'm not pregnant. This month was especially hard for me for some reason. I really wanted this to be the magic month for us! I think my message boards have made the wound a little more painful as well. I am so tired of hearing "Wow, I can't believe it, our first month trying and a BFP!". Did they bother to read the other posts? Did they happen to notice there are others on the boards that are having trouble getting pregnant? How hard it is for us to hear those kinds of things? I know they are just trying to share their excitement, but geesh. How about a little more sensitivity? I know I'm just being dramatic and hyper-sensitive because of my own heartbreak. I know someday we'll have the opportunity. I know that. I just wish it would've been easier than this. I wish we didn't have to go through all the hard stuff. I wish we were that lucky couple who was so incredibly fertile that we simply took one shot at it and it worked. I hate feeling as though there is something wrong. I don't want to wait until next March to find out if there is. I wish doctors could be more sensitive.

So, for July 4th, we celebrated over the weekend with friends and family. For the most part, it was wonderful. Minimal drama for once. The hardest part came when we got together with our friends and their newborn baby. He is, in a word, precious. My heart just ached to have one of my own. I watched him smile and giggle at me. I watched my husband carry him around and talk to him. I knew that we had to have one. I knew that we wanted to be parents. I knew that we would be great parents.

We decided to take a month off from the baby craze. We're going to Cancun in August. We're going to enjoy life as much as possible!

Happy 4th of July. Proud to be an American!!!!!!!!

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